Of Thorns and Petals
My Story
The earliest memory of my childhood is vivid in my mind…. I am about two years old and heartily enjoying my walking and running. The bungalow, where my parents were staying at that time, had a big veranda at the rear which had smooth plastered cement floor. I distinctly remember myself running from one end to the other feeling the smoothness of cold floor under my tiny feet. That was an inexplicable pleasure for a small boy. But probably that was the last memory I have of my-let alone running but-walking with on my feet independently. Later on I was struck with a severe polio attack and life changed for me for ever.
I was paralysed neck down, had intensive treatment by qualified doctors and started recovering fast.
Of this period what I remember most is a constant sense of discomfort and pain that I felt in my legs and overall body. Children are so close to nature and so much free of mental chaos, which elders are usually prone to. A child in me helped me remain calm and patient, and steadily nurtured me into a tolerant being who naturally accepted something that he could not quickly change. Thus, for me a very bizarre and emotionally tumultuous journey began in my private world. However, I was born in a very homely and supportive family and that soon made my path quite enjoyable even in that condition. With effect of treatments, Ayurvedic and other as suggested by many well-wishers and with daily massage that my father gave me, I could walk with the help of crutches and callipers (braces). My world started looking bright. The child in me picked up fast and started to enjoy playing with friends, going for walks, climbing small hills, and joining in all the games children of my age played. I made friends and spent creative time with my elder brother and fought with my sisters. A new normal was established smoothly. I learnt to ignore the things I could not do.
Since during this time we were staying in a colony of only a few bungalows, situated on a beautiful mountainous landscape, our exposure to outer world was too limited. We had good neighbours who had developed solidarity and camaraderie with each other. This was a safe haven for me. I was different but I was acceptable. Up to the age of four I had not seen any other disabled person. All my friends were able bodied. In spite of this, not even subconsciously did I compare my physical state with theirs.
For secondary school education I, along with my siblings, was sent to our ancestral home in a distant town, where my grandmother was staying. The house was in a semi urban place, and the old iron-lady was it’s in-charge. She was a tall, stoic lady. Under her care my condition further improved. She massaged my legs, fed me lot of healthy stuff daily. One such recipe was a porridge of dry fruits cooked in goat milk. I must say that she played a major part in making me physically strong enough to face the gradual decline of my muscular strength as I grew older.
Now I am now in late 60s, happily married to a very caring wife and blessed with two healthy grown up sons, who are well placed and happily married.
Looking back, I wonder what was it that made me what I am today, how it all shaped my world view, and what are the lessons I learnt in the process.
I enjoyed reading books both fiction and non-fiction, took special pleasure in listening to music both light, classical and western. All this contributed to the development of my emotional and spiritual life. Pondering and reflecting on anything became a habit since my restricted mobility provided me plenty of time to myself. I looked at religion as a grand fairy tale. When I grew up, my reading and personal reflections on many life situations steadily turned me into a rationalist.
As a polio survivor, I can say with authority that, a disabled child doesn’t need sympathy or empathy. He/she needs to be left alone to discover himself/ herself only with care as a support. Let him mix with normal children, let him face challenges, which can best be overcome by trials and errors. That can bring the real metal and strength out the reservoir of the survival instinct. The child does not recognise pity, at the most it can touch his senses briefly and then disappear. However, I distinctly remember one incident that pricked my heart deeply: a sight of a disabled child beggar at a roadside. My father, who was with me, said to me, “See that boy? You should not be like that. You have to exercise regularly.” As a bolt this hit my conscience. I felt a pang in my belly. I was terrified. Though my father said this unwittingly and with good intention, it gave a blow to my self-worth. This mental complex remained with me for a very long time.
Later, when I reflected upon it, I realised the importance of being very careful in dealing with children when they are in early impressionable age. I consciously followed this while bringing up my children. I am fortunate that I got a very supportive and loving wife and two bright sons, who stand out in society as very well groomed boys. Generally, parents unknowingly pass on their weaknesses and complexes to their children. I did not want this to happen. And I guess I have fully succeeded in this while bringing up my sons.
My inborn strength always made me surmount small and big challenges in my life. After doing my bachelor’s degree in commerce I took admission in a prestigious law college in Mumbai. Every step in my progress put before me new challenges; I won some, some I made peace with. While staying in hostel during my law degree course in Mumbai, I actively lived every moment of it. I had fun with friends, saw movies, did extensive dining out, read books, had lengthy discussions on philosophy, attended seminars, directed plays in college functions, took part in poetry competitions, wrote reviews of Marathi plays, had stint with Doordarshan-the only TV channel of that time- as a compere of Marathi show, in which I used to interview path-breaking youth of that time. Life was colourful, but there was always a disturbing sense of inadequacy. I was always in search of my true element, a situation in which I could be happiest and most satisfied. This could be true with most people, I guess. Now I believe some people are born like that- seemingly successful but eternally dissatisfied. Regrets? Yes, I do have some regrets, there are mistakes and there are ‘mis-steps’, but who doesn’t have?
After a very short stint in legal practice, I soon found that it was not my cup of tea. Eventually fate landed me in business. It was a distributorship of liquefied petroleum gas. Life took another unexpected turn. More than financial stability it gave me a ready avenue to come in contact with people from various walks of life, without my moving out anywhere. In the course, my interactions with customers went well beyond business. It was a workshop on real time study of human nature. With my restricted mobility, I saw in this an opportunity to meet as many people as possible and empathise with them. This again broadened my world view. During those active business life, I met many people, talked to them, tried to peep in their hearts, helped them solve their issues both pertaining to my business and personal. Listening to them was enriching experience. In the process I learnt a lot about complexities in human nature.
In my late 40s I became aware of the importance of maintaining good health, earlier the better I thought… but only in my fifties that the urgency of it flashed before my eyes when I almost passed out after a nasty fall. I began reading health books voraciously, I scanned articles of vitamin supplements and started study of Post-Polio Syndrome seriously.
My parents were living with me and I saw them getting old and frail as years passed. Their illness and eventual passing away pained me. The only satisfaction that I have is I could do my bit to increase their longevity by taking their care with proper medication and spending quality time with them. Later, my wife fell sick and that emotionally shook me to the core. Fortunately, she recovered fully after due medical treatment and vitamin supplement regime. She made my life complete and now she is my emotional sanctuary.
I am aware of the present challenge of my failing muscle strength. I am striving hard to deal with it. I still walk with callipers and crutches, though not extensively. However, lately thoughts of owning a light weight electric wheelchair for long distance do surface disturbingly on my mind. Will it make me confined? I bet no.
“I have a keen eye for the surroundings, the people and things. The complexities of human mind and its idiosyncrasies always interest me. The omniscient Nature enchants me, and the mystery of endless universe humbles me. Though I have a critic’s eye for the word, I remain a stern critic of myself first. My self-improvement journey is incessant.”
Grapes & Cherry picks 